The Healthy Relationship Question
Growing up, there was always this discussion about the phrase, “Do not be unequally yoked.” (2 Corinthians 6:14)
Of course, it was wielded as an instruction not to date someone who wasn’t a Christian. And, actually, I’m not here to say anything different. It’s just – for me – I don’t do well with “don’t” statements that aren’t explained. Especially when I think there’s an explanation.
Let me start by saying that, of course you and I are called to be in relationships with people who aren’t followers of Jesus – people who don’t agree with the non-negotiables. So, let’s always just make sure we’re not talking about being isolated from the world.
But this agricultural metaphor of yoking is the picture of two oxen or donkeys bound together in a wooden device called a yoke. It forces the animals to stay moving at the same pace and in the same direction. You can already see where I’m going with this, probably, but let me bring just a little bit more explanation.
This metaphor isn’t about whether we should or should not be in a relationship. But rather applies to the depth with which we should engage in that relationship.
Look at it this way. There are three types of relationships.
- There are some relationships in which you are primarily a giver.
- There are some relationships in which you are primarily a receiver.
- And there are some relationships of nearly mutual exchange.
There is a purpose for all three of these relationships in our lives. But our deepest relationships fall into the third category.
Thus, I think there’s one question to gauge the health of a deep and/or romantic relationship :
Is there a nearly mutual exchange of encouraging and challenging each other to be more like Jesus and to love the world as he does?
If we’re going to charge head on into life with someone, this has to be at the center of it all. If not, we’ll do one of two things.
1. We’ll stand around kicking rocks. Not moving. Just waiting for the other person to start the journey.
or
2. We’ll run head on into life without them, and our relationship will be destroyed.
God gives us freedom to be in whatever relationships we want with whomever we desire. This whole “unequally yoked” thing isn’t about making God happy with us. God’s love for us is unconditional and perfect. There’s nothing you and I can do – good or bad – the change that. This issue is all about the fulfillment and satisfaction you and I will experience in the long run as we engage in our relationships.
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A wonderful assertion! Very true. Glad that you verbalized what, I'm sure, the lot of us were thinking. I will refer back to this blog post in the near future. Perhaps, share it with those with whom I have a mutual exchange of relation… Thanks for sharing!
Awesome! Glad you stopped by Julisa.
Good stuff,
For a successful relationship in my experience, you must have three things, Attraction, personality match, and a Spiritual desire.
Out of these three, Personality, and attraction must be the foundation of the relationship. The third one (Spiritual Desire), is the most important one of them all, but it is also the one that can be developed. If we walk in Christ as we are supposed to, people seeing Christ in us, want to desire Christ as well, because of how free and attractive He is. That is why I say it can be developed. If that does not happen, and you let the relationship move you out of Christ, that should be you first and last sign that this particular person is not the one you want to marry. If this is where you are at and you are already married, Pray and seek Godly council.
To be completely yoked is not something to look for on the front end of a relationship. For example… I have horses back home in Minnesota and when you yoke them up to the buggy you notice something that is very interesting. This is because being yoked with a team is always an ongoing process with one holding the pace, pulling the other, or the other way around. So if you are looking for somebody at the same depth or able to participate in that mutual exchange right away, they might not be ready for that yet. One horse may be lazy one day, the other may be spunky, yet they still need to be yoked together to pull the same buggy. Or, one horse may be trained well, the other may be trained very little, yet when you yoke them together, the more trained horse will train the untrained. So as you grow in a relationship with this person, there can very quickly be a role reversal where they become the one pulling the team and you are the one needing to pick up the slack. During this whole process however even though one might be pulling harder then the other at any given time, the buggy being pulled, never see's the difference in which horse (or mule, donkey) is working harder at a given moment. Through all this exchange in which horse is pulling harder at a given moment, they were always yoked together the whole time.
Great stuff.
There obviously will never be complete, simultaneous equality in the depth and speed of spiritual pursuit. But my intention here is to point at desire. If one person is desirous of spiritual maturity and the other is opposed to it, there will be no movement at all.
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