Masculinity and Jesus
Recently, I got an email from a guy who had read some of my blog posts, and he posed some good questions. In the email, he pointed out that I have spent some time deconstructing others thoughts on “manliness,” but what about constructing some of my own? He said this,
I grew up thinking that if I were like ‘this’ or like ‘that’, then I could find more acceptance from my extended family, but the older I’ve gotten, the more I realize that my interests and passions aren’t going to change, nor should they, to adapt to someone else’s view of what a ’masculine guy’ should look like… True masculinity. Godly masculinity. Comes from what? Results in what?
Now first, let me clarify. This conversation is separate from the topic of gender roles. The idea of masculinity is something intangible. It’s most often described using words associated with attitude and activity to paint a picture of a standardized persona. I’ve spent the last week thinking about this in light of culture, life and, ultimately, scripture. And I’ve come to a few conclusions.
I was talking to my friend, Michael, yesterday trying to get another perspective, and he had some great insight in the form of an example. He said, “I think it’s interesting that I go back to my hometown, and the same people that made fun of me for wearing skinny jeans 4 years ago are the very people that are wearing them today.” I’m sure people of different generations could say the same thing about different stylistic trends – bellbottoms, long hair, ear-rings, even skirts.
Let’s use the simple illustration of a skirt as an example of the first point :
The things by which we often classify masculinity are not based on God or the Bible but, rather, culture.
From an American cultural perspective, our global understanding causes us to not think twice of a spartan warrior or an elderly Indian man in a skirt or even a modern day man of African descent on the steps of a building in a European metropolis.
But even I, while I’m writing this article about the illusion of masculinity, have a totally different reaction to this seemingly American man dressed in a skirt. Something just seems… off. But what’s different here than in the other pictures? The man’s skin color, his country of origin and my cultural expectation of how he should dress.
In addition to dress, there are other seemingly benign factors by which cultures define masculinity. Let’s talk football for a moment. I’ll admit that it’s an easy target simply by the fact that it wasn’t being played until about 1842, and men were certainly existing fully before that time.
I could go on all day deriding cultural determiners of masculinity – career paths, eating habits, consumer practices, signs of affection – but that’s not the point of this article, and not all of the things we use to define masculinity are inherently evil. It’s just that they needn’t be a determiner of one’s identity.
That brings us to the second point :
Masculinity is an attempt to justify fighting for one’s own way rather than living a life of sacrificial love.
Our culture most often says it in the form of “boys will be boys.” Whether it’s violence, drunkenness, selfishness, sexual immorality or oppression, this phrase is used repeatedly to justify the actions of boys and men.
But when we look at Jesus, it’s clear that he shows us a new way to live. Not a life of competition. Not a life of self-centered indulgence.
Rather,
Jesus was gentle.
Jesus chose to enter Jerusalem, not on a horse, but on a donkey.
Jesus cried.
Jesus loved and nurtured children.
Jesus spent most of his time with the outcasts of society.
and ultimately,
Jesus chose others above himself.
I feel it only fair to offer the one display of Jesus’ ferocity. It was directed at the oppressors – those who thought they could control people using God as a tool. He wouldn’t have it, and it’s an important part of the story. It’s not the norm. It’s not the one example we are to use to justify our anger and short temperedness. It is one small part of the character of Jesus.
So what do Jesus’ tears and love and gentleness and anger show us?
A true man is one that lives without fear of violating social norms for the sake of the gospel.
A true man is one who trades his selfishness for the fruit of the Spirit. One who displays love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.
A true man is one who will shout out against the injustice of pornography. One who will embrace his brother in pain. One who will take off his tie to serve the poor. One who will cry in his brokenness. One who will kneel before his wife and children and wash their feet as a sign of humility.
A true man is one who is ready to stop trying to prove his worth to the world and be honest about his inadequacies.
A true man is not a man at all. He has left the smallness of the earthly and surrendered to the grand life of the Spirit of God.
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thanks for this post, very good words.
I totally agree, Cole. Well said.
I'd like to comment, but allow me first to warn that I will be using gender neutral and/or feminine pronouns in reference to God. And now, my thoughts:
I believe that both God the "father" and Jesus are profoundly feminine along with their presupposed masculinity. You already described the myriad ways that Jesus displayed feminine characteristics, and there are countless places in scripture where God demonstrates such traits as well. God the "father" has moments where s/he is fatherly and others where s/he is motherly. The Holy Spirit has often been referred to in feminine terms as well.
I believe that all humans, having been created in God's likeness, are existentially more complete (consider the Hebrew idea of Shalom) when they have developed both their feminine and masculine qualities and can use either or both optimally in any given situation. It's important to note that Jesus acted in feminine ways when the situation called for it. But he did not ALWAYS behave in a feminine manner. Likewise, he did not always behave in a masculine manner; yet he was always secure in who He was as a man, just as we, too, should be secure in who we are. To behave always in one archetypal manner would be to deny and to neglect vital elements of our character, personalities, and existence – elements that God Herself embedded in us by Her grace.
Yet people do this all the time: many men try too hard to be macho while many women try too hard to be "lady-like". I think this is typically motivated by insecurity, vanity, and pride.
God does not intend for people to be exclusively masculine or feminine. God desires us to be complete, to have Shalom, in our identities in Him/Her; to be able to use both our masculinity AND our femininity to His/Her glory.
Paul also set a good example for us:
"As apostles of Christ we could have been a burden to you, 7but we were gentle among you, like a mother caring for her little children." -1 Thess 2:6-7. Then a few sentences later:
"11For you know that we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children, 12encouraging, comforting and urging you to live lives worthy of God, who calls you into his kingdom and glory."
Last but certainly not least, I'd like to add that I ALWAYS picture modern African men on the steps of European buildings wearing skirts. I mean, really… what ELSE would they be wearing?
I don't know if you have read it yet but there is a book called, Wild At Heart that addresses this topic into a much deeper aspect. I have an extra copy if you would like to read it. It really is an eye opener into what being a man is in God's eye and being a man to fulfill yourself really is about.
Paul calls us to be more than mere humans.
Hey Brad,
Thanks for reading and commenting.
Don't believe those lies.
http://www.colenesmith.com/?p=208
http://www.colenesmith.com/?p=342
Thanks for the good words. Of course I see the truth in much of what you've said here. I suppose my one question would be, if God exhibits all of these qualities and we, as humans, should as well, should we even use terms like masculine and feminine?
I think that was one of the things I was getting at without ever saying it outright.
I write about the problematic nature of Wild at Heart, along with a number of others, in my book, "Numen, Old Men: Contemporary Masculine Spiritualities and the Problem of Patriarchy", which you might find interesting. Also, there is a free online journal I edit: Journal of Men, Masculinities and Spirituality [http://www.jmmsweb.org.
This might be the best blog you've ever written.
Wow. Thanks.
While I do agree with you that he does believe in simple things like hunting and fishing can really help a man get in touch with himself; later on in the book he goes deeper into what the scripture about being like Jesus. I completely understand that first chapters may seem unsettling but the real important parts of his message come later on. He addresses the loser issue in a similar manner that you do and most importantly staying in that channel God wants you to be in. It is up for debate but there is some really amazing stuff in the depths of the book. However, this book is aimed towards most of the men who have lost their drive and become simple machines that society expects them to be. The, "good" church men who never seem to wander or veer towards the wonders that God has given us. It is meant to restore hope in men who really don't know what it is about to be a man and have been turned into what corporate America wants them to be.
After going through the entire thread of the Wild at Heart post I am seeing more of where you are coming from with Eldridge twisting scripture to fit his beliefs. I suppose I never looked to much into that as I did the rest of the message of being okay with yourself before being able to understand what God wants you to be. While still a decent message I have to agree with you strongly at this point.
Let me add that helping people live into the fullness of their created purpose is what I give most of my life to. It's probably the thing I'm most passionate about. If you're supposed to be an engineer, I want to do everything I can to help you live that.
I want to help people dream about what can be – better yet, come to see God's dreams for their lives – and truly live.
And all of this comes, not from the earthly, but spiritually.
Let me add that helping people live into the fullness of their created purpose is what I give most of my life to. It's probably the thing I'm most passionate about. If you're supposed to be an engineer, I want to do everything I can to help you live that.
I want to help people dream about what can be – better yet, come to see God's dreams for their lives – and truly live.
And all of this comes, not from the earthly, but spiritually.
PS. We'll be down by Lake Baldwin today at 6 shooting the rest of that video. Come join us if you're around.
Great perspective. It's interesting that you reference Driscoll as I've been going through some of his teachings (as I'm sure you've noticed if you read my note). I'm out the door right now but I'll comment more when I have some time to gather my thoughts.
I'm surrounded by men who resist the cultural lie of masculinity, trading it for creativity and hair that's longer than mine (and other important things too.) While this counter-cultural attitude is beautiful, I don't always see it extend to the emotional life. It's easy for men (as for women) to pick and choose the things that they don't want from culture, while clinging to the things that feel more comfortable.
In all of this resistance, my hope is that the conversation doesn't stop with sports or clothes. But instead, transcends deeply to the interior life. I want to see the men in my life that are actively building the Kingdom connected to their heart and unashamed to share from it. The emotional life must be addressed, because when push comes to shove, pastime activities and preferred driving method does not matter.
What's the first thing that you think of when you read: Feelings.
Negative or Positive?
Your point about the fruit of the Spirit clearly hits on this, but I wanted to bring it up anyways. These are wonderful thoughts Cole, and I'll be waiting on "Femininity and Jesus".
"A true man is not a man at all." Well said Cole.
For a culture who loves to (has to?) put people in boxes, I find this thought thoroughly refreshing.
I'll be thinking about the "Femininity and Jesus" post.
Ultimately, I think my post is to encourage a culture where people are constantly shaped into the image of Jesus as opposed to being made into the likeness of culture.
I agree with you. A healthy understanding of and engagement in our emotional lives is VERY important. Additionally, we must address our emotions from a spiritual perspective as well – not a cultural one. God has emotions. God has given us emotions. We are certainly not supposed to suppress them. And we must allow our emotions to point us to spiritual solutions.
If I'm angry, I must recognize it and ask God what it means and what I should do with it. The same goes for sadness, hurt, envy, happiness… all that we feel.
At first I read this as "in boxers" and was highly amused.
I'm not so sure you're as qualified to write on "Femininity and Jesus," but the truths in this posts are valid for women as well (e.g., "[Femininity] is an attempt to justify fighting for one's own way rather than living a life of sacrificial love.")
As Christians we all want to be like. . . Jesus. Brad Pitt, Cindy Crawford, maybe if we are younger the Jonas Brothers and Hannah Montana. But as we don't all get to have. . . beards like Jesus or . . . but he did not use his . . . and that makes him a. . . err. . . God?
WWJD? WWED? What would Elvis do? Well, if he wore a skirt he would rock the house and the girls would go wild. The girls like the boys.
sexy masculine persona. Has Jesus been 'sexy' cause that is a real important part of how we view 'masculinity'? Real Men Love Jesus and . . .the Song of Solomon?
awesome post cole. thanks man. definitely leaving me with the urge to reflect… then act. thanks bro!
Hey Cole, I have a question….. I come from a pentacostal Church and we belive in the fulfillment of the Holy Spirit…..Now why is it that many people feel likes it a cult or something crazy? I mean the Holy Spirit is Real and the Bible does state in the Book of Acts that a huge wind came in and the apostles were FILLED with the Holy Spirit and began to speak in tounges….. so why is this so controversial??? and also how about being baptised in the Holy Spirit……Do you believe that God still uses people today to speak to others as in bringing forth a prophetic message?????
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